Self-Compassion, as with everything in life, requires balance between the strong and the gentle side of the personality.
The strong side is required to be able to stand up for yourself, to be able to set boundaries and be ok with saying no. The gentle side is required to show yourself kindness, compassion and nurture yourself as you would your best friend or child.
Self-compassion means that you are able to forgive yourself for your mistakes, standing up to that inner critic that takes it a step too far, always picking out all your flaws and all the things you could have done better, never noticing all the things that you did really well. It’s about making sure your self-talk is kind and empowering. What would you say to someone you really loved to cheer them on?
Self-compassion requires you to say no at times, even if that means you believe you are going to let the other person down. With practice, this becomes easier and soon you begin to realise the world won’t end — not everyone will hate on you. In fact, when you say no with kindness, you may find people staring to respect you even more. A good way to begin is saying no to some small things. Saying no to the person who tries to jump in front of you in the que, saying no to the activity that you really don’t want to do on your only day off.
Self-compassion is about seeing the bigger picture and choosing the options that will be best for you in the long term. Unfortunately, it’s not always about having the piece of really yummy cake or buying yourself that new outfit. Having something sweet is always one of my favourite ways to treat myself! But, sometimes I need to remind myself about the long-term bigger picture to ride through the sugar craving. And when I do choose the cake, not beating myself up over it and then really taking the time to enjoy every mouthful.
Self-compassion is ultimately about allowing the balance between doing and being. Making time for yourself to do the things that YOU love, and time for yourself to just be, with no plans, nowhere to go and nothing to do.
If you are anything like I was when I started this journey, I didn’t even know what I loved! Making the time to figure out what you love, what fills you up, is a huge act of self-compassion that you will be ever grateful to yourself for.
