Are You Addicted to Happiness?
Many of us are searching for happiness, I was one of those people. I thought there was nothing more important than being happy. For a while I studied happiness, in my search to understand how to make that feeling last. During my studies in positive psychology, I came across the work of Sonja Lyubomirsky who determined the difference level of happiness between two people depended on three main factors. Her “Happiness Pie” model suggests that:
- 50% of the difference was due to the genetic set point of the individual
- 10 % of the difference is the circumstances
- 40% is due to intentional activity
I was pleased to hear this. When you hold the outdated belief that genes are fixed traits, then half of my happiness was inherited. So, I looked at my family; all of whom seemed to be fairly happy people. Then the smallest slice of the pie was my circumstances, which included things such as where you are geographically located, your culture, and the resources that you have access to. Again, I was very privileged to be born into a loving family and live in a country with many blessings. The last 40%, is intentional activity, which gives you a large chunk of happiness you can control. Intentional activity are the things you can do to bring happiness into your life, such as choosing activities that bring you joy and fit with your personality and interests. Yes! Something that I can control to ensure I can maintain that happiness high!
However, I quickly realised this desire for continuous happiness was futile. Now don’t get me wrong, I still love those feelings that happiness brings me. I intentionally do things to create those moments, but I do not let the desire for happiness completely control my whole life.
It is simply not possible to be happy all of the time. When your expectation is that you should feel constantly happy, then you will be left feeling tension and disappointment when there is a gap between where you actually are and where you want to be.
To put everything on one single human emotion actually creates an addict’s life. Always searching for where the next hit of happiness is going to come from. The things that previously brought you happiness, perhaps may not have the same effect anymore. Always wanting more, wanting something bigger and better to bring you happiness that would surely last. The search for happiness controls everything you do.
What you may not realise, is that we all adjust to our environment. This is a concept known in psychology as hedonic adaptation, which is defined as the observed tendency to return to our normal level of happiness despite both the positive and negative events that happen in our life.
So, if chasing happiness only leads to addiction, then does that mean we are doomed to an unhappy life?
Absolutely not. When you learn to embrace ALL of the human emotions and understand the value that both positive and negative emotions can give you, then you learn to appreciate every moment — exactly how it is.
Meditation is a wonderful tool to teach you to embrace every moment, knowing that this emotion too shall pass and a new moment will bring something else new and wonderful as you work your way deeper into the emotional body.
When you embrace all the emotions, you get a freedom in your life to start following your soul’s purpose. Then you are no longer driven by the desire for happiness and can learn to welcome the other emotions that may arise as information to help guide you on your journey. Only then, can you begin to find a deeper level of meaning and purpose. Then you can experience a more satisfying and fulfilling life, despite what is happening around you.
If you would like to join me in learning to embrace all the emotions you can join me on the next 7 day meditation challenge where you will learn a variety of meditation techniques that form the foundation for creating a stable practice.
